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Preface
Preface
A Father’s Voice was never meant to become a book. I wrote it for my sons, Jack and Freddie. I wanted to put down the things I hoped they would understand as they became men: character, responsibility, independence, work, money, relationships, family, happiness and what makes a life worth living.
Some lessons I learned through experience. Most I learned by getting things wrong. I wanted my sons to benefit from them without having to learn every lesson the hard way. I also wanted to leave them something permanent. None of us knows how long we have. One day I may no longer be there to offer advice, but my voice can remain.
Then I realised something: these lessons were not just for my sons. Every young man must eventually decide what kind of man he is going to be. He must learn to think for himself, make difficult decisions, accept responsibility, earn his independence, deal with failure, choose the right people, control himself, love others and find some purpose in his life. That is why I decided to make this book available to you.
I have kept the title A Father’s Voice because that is exactly what it is. I am not writing as an academic, psychologist or expert. I am writing as a father, passing on what I wanted my own sons to know. And I make no apology for what follows.
This is a counter-cultural book. It argues for values that have become increasingly unfashionable: truth, discipline, self-reliance, personal responsibility, resilience, duty, sacrifice, family and strength of character. It defends manliness, independence and the responsibility of a man to provide, protect and take responsibility for himself and those who depend upon him. It values individual freedom and distrusts conformity, dependency and ideology—whatever their source. Some of it may offend you. Some of it you may reject. Good. Think for yourself. Question what I say. Challenge it. Test it against reality and your own experience. I would rather you disagree with me after thinking seriously than agree with me because I told you what to think.
This book was originally written for my sons, so occasionally that will show. My advice about women, dating and marriage was written with them in mind. Your life may be different. You may be gay. You may never marry or have children. You may disagree completely with my views on politics, religion or relationships. The principles remain. Honesty matters. Loyalty matters. Responsibility matters. Character matters. Whoever you love and whatever life you choose, those things do not change.
Nor should you mistake the certainty of my language for a demand that you accept every word as absolute truth. I write directly because I believe advice should be clear. These are my conclusions. You must reach your own. I have not lived a perfect life, and this book does not pretend otherwise. Some of the most valuable lessons are learned by getting things badly wrong.
Take from these pages whatever helps you build a happy, meaningful and fulfilling life. Question the rest. Ultimately, your life is yours to live. But remember this: Tell the truth. Keep your word. Think for yourself. Take responsibility. Work hard. Become capable. Stand on your own feet. Treat people decently. Choose people carefully. Love deeply. Protect those who depend upon you. Admit when you are wrong. Never sacrifice your character merely to fit in. Enjoy every day of your life. And above all, be true to yourself.
I wrote this book for my sons.
Now I offer it to you.
A.N.